Wildernesses

In bible study, we are learning about the wildernesses that God put people through in the Bible. The trials and hardships they went through, and what came out of them. First off what is a wilderness? Something big or small that you are going through in life whether it be a relationship issue, problems within your family, searching for a job, illness, death. It can be anything. Sometimes we think surely it is Satan putting us through these hard times....but it's not. It is God. But why does He do that to us? To protect us (from something else worse), To test us (to see if we will obey Him), To show us miracles (to reveal Himself) and to show us that we need Him. If we go about life on a level field all the time, how often will we look to Him for comfort or advice? We often look to Him in thanks for the great things and in anguish for the bad or hard things. In our book it says "sometimes God allows hardships to graciously show us we desperately need Him"

For the past eight years, my main wilderness has been my health issues. But I would have never leaned on God so much and grown so close to him had I not gone through all that I have. I have met the most amazing people, had the greatest experiences, all while going through the toughest times. I have relied on God to help me keep a positive attitude and to help me minister to others. It was not always that way. In the beginning, I was angry at God. Why me? Why am I missing out on all of these fun college outings, spring breaks, vacations, to have surgery? Why are my friends all getting jobs and moving to fun places while I am scared to go too far from home because I am so sick. I often did not want to go to church with my family, and I most certainly did not want to open my Bible or spend time with God.  Over time, lots of prayer, and an amazing Bible Study group, I caved. I learned to be still and listen to His word, to sit down and read my Bible, and to really develop a relationship with Him. It is amazing what God can and will do when you let him. He opened my eyes and softened my heart.

I now see every "wilderness" as a gift from God. I can't wait to see the good that will come of it. I know He has a plan, and if we "camp out" long enough through the hard times, we will see it. He wants to reveal himself to us in a way that will change our life forever. And that...He has done for me. I pray that He helps you through whatever wilderness you are going through and that you see His greatness in the end.

A week from today mom and I leave for the Mayo Clinic in MN for surgery #13. They will remove the endometriosis that is growing everywhere and hopefully this will alleviate a lot of the pain and discomfort I have had. Just another part of the journey for me, and I can't wait to see the wonderful things God has in store for me along the way.

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart" Jeremiah 29:13