Fostering... the good, the bad, and the goodbye

It has taken me a while to write this. It was too painful to relive... to talk about or to write about. Our sweet foster baby was moved to another home. I have heard from so many people that the reason they could never do foster care is because of the goodbye. So I wanted to tell you my experience with it. This was one of my biggest fears. How do you pour your life into a child, love them like your own, and then tell them goodbye? When “baby” came to us, she was so tiny. Only 7lbs and so new to the world. For almost 5 months we loved this girl like our own child. We watched her do many “firsts”,  worked with her daily on developmental milestones, and relished every coo and smile. She was a part of our life. I didn’t see our future without her in it. Of course I knew it was a possibility she would only be with us temporarily, but if you think that way, how can you pour your whole heart into them? The day we got the call until the day she left (48 hours) I was in a downward spiral. I took so many pictures, packed her a bag, and cried more tears than I thought was humanly possible. Then as quickly as she came, she was gone. I shut the nursery door and have barely opened it since. Her clothes are still in her drawers, diapers still on the changing table, and I left a few things unwashed so I could still remember her smell. 

Yes, all of that sounds painful and you probably assume I’d never want to experience that again. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. What we were able to give her in those 5 months shaped her in a way that she desperately needed. God loved us SO much that he sacrificed his own child to die for us. If he can do that for us, I know I can show love to these children even if it causes me heartache in the end. Selfishly I wouldn’t want to feel this pain again, but it’s not about me. It’s about the kids. They need someone to show them love even if it’s for a short time. Please pray for “baby”, as we don’t know what her future holds. And pray for Anna Bates as she feels a huge void without her side kick and best buddy. If you have ever thought about fostering, I am happy to talk to you about it. And if you don’t feel like that’s your calling, you can always help a family who does foster. I can’t tell you how amazing our community was when we first brought her home. We had meals brought to us, gift cards sent, and so many times I’d open our front door to a box of diapers and wipes with a sweet note. I even had a friend in Dallas send formula through amazon! It wasn’t just us loving her. It was our family and friends as well. She may never know how loved she was in those 5 months, but we were called to be the hands and feet of God and that’s what we did. What he calls us to do doesn’t always make sense and sometimes it is out of our comfort zone. And sometimes.... it doesn’t turn out like we had planned. But I have to trust that His plan is bigger than mine. 

Love y’all ❤️

Home stretch!

Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Jeremiah 1:5

Dear Anna Bates,

We have prayed for you before you were even in my tummy. You are such a miracle and we cannot wait to meet you. When we were trying to have a baby, my good friend Lindsey was there for me along the journey and even gave me a special necklace she wore when she was trying to get pregnant with Lilla. It was so special to me. When we went through the months of fertility treatments she checked on me every day, even though she had a much bigger battle she was facing. She had colon cancer that had spread to a lot of places and was very sick. She was the most amazing warrior I have ever met and she met each day with a positive attitude and fighting spirit. She was SO excited when we found out that the IVF worked and we were pregnant. I told her I wanted you to have an incredible role model. Someone to look up to and live your life like she did. One day we were visiting together and I told her your name would have Bates in it. That was her maiden name. She was so excited and honored. When I was 9 weeks pregnant, sweet Lindsey passed away. Her body just could not take the cancer anymore. At 14 weeks we found out you were a girl! Anna is a family name from my great grandmother, aunt, and cousins, and Anna Bates felt like the perfect name for you. I can't wait to tell you all about Lindsey, your guardian angel. You have had so many people praying for you and they cannot wait to finally meet you. 

I am 37.5 weeks now...in the home stretch! You are so active and wiggly. There's rarely a time of day that you aren't kicking, flipping, dancing, or practicing your golf swing. You are already over 6 lbs and very strong! Can you tell how excited we are? Your dad already talks about how you are going to be a daddy's girl and how he will give you anything you want. We'll see about that :) Kappy sniffs all of your baby clothes and loves to walk in your nursery to check on things.

For those who have seen or talked to me lately, you know how ready I am! I know most everyone feels this way at this point in the pregnancy and things get so uncomfortable! But with the Ehlers Danlos, my joints and muscles were already loose/lax, so adding weight and the stress of the pregnancy has been really really hard on my body. It's the first time I've had hip pain since my double hip surgery 10 years ago and my back pain has put me in the hospital several times this past month. Sometimes it just gets unbearable. Other times I just sleep a lot and try to get through one more day. I see all of the doctors in the OB group I go to, but there are a couple of them who really seem interested in the EDS and how it does and will effect me during pregnancy and delivery. 

Several weeks ago the docs said "any day now" because of how quickly I progressed dilating and being fully effaced. We had our bags packed and ready and waited anxiously. Then everything slowed down and Anna Bates decided she would stay put a little longer. It's been hard waiting and in so much pain. Please pray for a good delivery and for the remainder of the time to be easier on my body. I'm exhausted! 

Much love

Riley 

Second trimester update

Sorry it's been a while! We found out that the baby is a GIRL!

We are so excited!!! My hyperemesis gravidarum seemed to stay pretty bad into the second trimester and started to get worse lately. I was throwing up over 40 times a day and not able to eat at all. I was put on home health and it has helped a lot. I have a zofran pump in my stomach with a catheter that I carry around like a purse. I get home IVs that run for 2 days straight when my levels are off. I'm still just eating foods like jello, potatoes, potato soup, and breads. But the zofran pump has helped me stop throwing up so much. Home health checks in on me everyday and it's so nice! Baby girl is doing great despite all of the craziness and I am 17 weeks. Right now I spend most days at home in bed, but I've been able to go out here and there which has been great. Wednesday is my 29th birthday, so I hope I can get out and enjoy it! Here is my latest ultrasound.

 She seems to be very laid back and comfy in there :) I am already learning the sacrifice of a mom! As bad as the pregnancy has been, I would do anything to get her here safely. Please continue to pray for the baby and that my health improves. I want so badly to just enjoy the pregnancy. The power of prayer is great! 

For this Child I have Prayed!

We are so excited to announce the pregnancy to everyone! I am 12 weeks due September 30th! We told everyone at 8 weeks and I know that is early. BUT here are our reasons. 1) David is so excited he tells everyone anyways 2) Ditto to my mom 3) We need prayer and support throughout this journey through whatever the pregnancy brings!

My main reason for writing this post is this: Anyone who struggles with infertility sees their Facebook newsfeed as a giant pregnancy announcement. It seems that this season of life for us brings a lot of that, which is so exciting. But if you have been trying to get pregnant, it seems like "why is it so easy for everyone else?!" I'm here to tell you that behind our announcement was over a year of infertility, heartache, medicine, shots, and a lot of waiting.

Before David and I got married, we knew we would have trouble getting pregnant. We discussed it in premarital counseling and a lot with each other. To get deep, I had not ovulated in over a decade. That's right! 10 years! Why? I am not totally sure, but the doctors think it has something to do with the part of my brain that tells my body to release hormones etc. My hormone levels were all out of whack and without ovulating you just can't get pregnant! As soon as we got married, we saw a specialist and talked about our options. For a year I was on lots of medicines, hormones, shots, etc trying to get my body to cooperate. No luck! Last summer, after a lot of prayer, we decided to get a second opinion from PREG (Piedmont Reproductive Endocrinology Group) cool name huh? We felt so informed and optimistic in the initial meeting with Dr. Nichols that we jumped on board immediately. I fell in love with the staff there and felt right at home. It didn't take long to get my levels where they needed to be, and we decided to try IUI (Intrauterine insemination). That was this past fall. I was SO excited. But one morning in early November I woke up to the most intense cramping and pain ever. I ran to the bathroom and it happened. It was over. Just like that. It was the most physically and emotionally painful experience. I sat in the bathroom and cried all day. Why God? I just want to be a mom! I have prayed for this for so long.

We decided after that to jump to IVF, In-vitro fertilization. The big guns! It was more than we could afford, but after talking to my parents, they decided that would be the perfect Christmas gift. I could not be more thankful for that gift. On Christmas Day we started the meds.

This has been our counter since then. Oral meds, shots, needles, sharps containers, etc. David has learned to give me shots and has gotten very good at it (most of the time). After a few weeks of intense meds, it was time to retrieve the eggs! They put you under anesthesia since it is a painful procedure! I wore some superwoman socks a friend gave me because I was sure feeling like it that day! I felt so at peace with God's plan for us and really gave it to him that day. 

We had 20 eggs, and 12 of them fertilized. Every couple of days the embryologist would update us on our embryos. After 5 days we had 4 great looking "blasts" to choose from. We opted to put two in to have a better chance of getting one to stay. (PS it is just one) We froze the other two to hopefully use in the future. Science is so amazing! After the "transfer" came the dreaded "2 week wait" as it is commonly called in the infertility world. It is the 2 weeks after your transfer until you see your doctor to tell you if it was successful or not. Our appointment was on a Monday and of course the Friday before, it snowed. We were stuck at home and I was SO anxious. So I took a test. I closed my eyes and prayed, please Lord let there be TWO pink lines. And in his perfect timing, there they were. The 2 lines I had prayed for soooo long to see. And man, they were beautiful! 

I started sobbing and thanking God over and over for this gift. Then once I pulled it together I took the test to David. He looked at it for what seemed like forever and then said IT WORKED?!?! Yes! Then he had some funny questions like why are the lines pink? It's not already a girl is it? After hugging and crying he ran to the store for the usual Greenville snowpocolypse items: bread and milk. And he came back with the most beautiful pink and blue flowers and arranged them himself in a vase. He was so excited!

On that Monday we went to PREG and got the blood work done and they confirmed and congratulated us. It was the best feeling ever! Then came some more waiting and more praying until the first ultrasound. At 5.5 weeks I started spotting and I literally lost my mind. I was shaking and crying and begging for it not to be over. Luckily I had my appointment that very morning and my mom drove me (since I was a hot mess and David wasn't home) They were so sweet and did an early ultrasound to calm my nerves and there it was! All safe and sound in my uterus. It was "normal" spotting, which totally didn't seem normal to me at the time! A week later David and I went for our next appointment. We saw the little baby in there and its tiny fluttering heartbeat. And to our surprise we HEARD it too! It was so surreal. God had created a tiny human being and it was now growing inside of me. How amazing is that?! There is nothing more miraculous. We go back Tuesday for our "graduation appointment" where we leave PREG and move on to a regular OB. I might cry. I probably will. They have been like family to me and helped us fulfill our dream of being parents. I will forever be grateful for everything they did for us. 

For those wondering and are afraid to ask... We did do genetic screening before hand and were surprised that I did not carry ANYTHING! So we are praying this baby is as healthy as his or her daddy :) I will be very closely monitored throughout the pregnancy, but I know that God will see me through this. As for when the baby comes, I have a lot of help from family and have already researched a lot of baby equipment that will work well for me without lifting a ton and bending over too much. It's amazing what is out there!  Sorry for the long post, but we are SO excited and feel so incredibly blessed. I wanted to tell the whole story because I know so many people pray for my health and like to keep up with things AND maybe this will touch someone who has been struggling to get pregnant. Keep the prayers coming! Love you

Riley

Welcome to Cleveland!

Hello all! I have tried to respond to messages today, but this is always the easiest way to answer everyone's questions and keep you updated :) I will try to answer all of the questions I've gotten too. My mom and I came to the Cleveland Clinic yesterday for an appointment with Dr. Boissy, an incredible neurologist here. I had a pretty bad relapse recently with a lot of spine pain, leg weakness, a foot drop (and tripping on that foot) and just a lot of weird neurological symptoms. Because the relapses have gotten worse in nature, it was time to see a specialist in neurology. I was going to go back to Mayo, my "usual," but we found Dr. Boissy and she is the best in her field, and when I saw her cute picture I just felt like she was the one. The current issues that I am facing are neurological and from the waist down, mostly affecting my legs and feet. I cannot lift my toes, walk on my heels, and have different sensations on my legs than I do my arms.

The difficult thing about the neurological symptoms is trying to differentiate them from Ehlers Danlos or POTS symptoms. And try to see what is related and what is not. We are still sorting that out, but Dr. Boissy was a huge help. She spent two hours with me taking a ton of notes and making a plan. Unfortunately, the way the insurance system works, these tests need 5 days to be pre-approved. I chose to go home and not wait 5 days in a hotel room in a city far away. So I am going home tomorrow, will do the testing in Greenville, and send them all to Dr. Boissy. Once she reviews them and gets a good idea of what the next step is, I can come back. She also wanted me to see the POTS and EDS docs here to get their opinion on things, but there is only one doctor for each of those (since they are so specialized), and of course they aren't in the clinic Mon-Wed. So again, I didn't want to wait around and hope to get in later in the week.

For those who have asked about Greenville doctors.... they are amazing. I love them all and they are good at what they do. But POTS and EDS aren't common, and for most of the doctors I am their only patient with those. When I come to Cleveland Clinic or Mayo, they see hundreds of patients with these illnesses and have much more experience with them. My docs at home always tell me when things get worse to go elsewhere, just because they are not equipped to treat me as much as the clinics are. Plus at home, I have to wait weeks or months in between appointments just to get in to each area. For Ehlers Danlos, I see rheumatology and vascular, and for POTS I see neurology and cardiology. Lots of specialties and each one only treats their own area. The clinics can look more comprehensively at my whole self and what is affecting what. Hope all of that makes sense :)

I feel extremely blessed that my parents help get me to the best possible places to help me and that I have so much support from my husband, family, and friends. I wouldn't be able to keep such a positive attitude without them. My mom has the hardest job taking me to these places and watching me in pain. A mama doesn't like to see her baby sick! Although I have been in constant pain, I still feel a peace that passes all understanding.

A cheerful heart is like good medicine!

The good news is, I've stayed away from the hospital and ER! I am really trying to monitor my stats everyday so that I stay out of crisis mode. Dr. Watson, who I LOVE, is always on top of things and makes sure I am ok. She really listens to me and what my body is saying. The bad days or times consist of really high heart rate, very hot, and an awful sick feeling. I feel really out of control of my body :( BUT, Good days have out-weighed the bad, and for that, I am thankful! I spend each night in bed thanking God for all of the positive things in my life and trying to keep my spirits high. Then the bad days don't seem as bad. 

David has started his career in professional golf on the egolf tour and I have had fun watching him. He is an incredible player and is loving this new venture. I've gotten to travel with him some and follow him on a golf cart :) Last week he made the cut and his dad drove up to caddy for him in NC. They had so much fun together. I've really enjoyed watching David improve every week and doing what he loves. ❤️

I've been doing a lot with my Bible study small group and really growing in my relationship with God and the girls! We are doing 1,2,3 John which I've never studied. I am looking forward to our retreat in a few weeks!!! I missed it last year because I was in the hospital all week. I am not going to miss it this time! 

The bible study has been such good accountability for me. It's easy to get caught up in life and forget to spend time in the Word and working on your relationship with God. I have been frustrated lately because it is so hard to see the good in things when you don't know Gods plan. I have had a really hard time with my friend Lindsey's cancer. She is so fun to be around and I absolutely love spending time with her. When I'm with her I never see her as sick, I just enjoy her company. I pray for her all the time, but I also pray for understanding. I know I won't ever truly understand why she has cancer, but I pray that God is glorified through it somehow. He knew what he was doing when he gave her Lilla. That little girl is the sweetest, happiest toddler and just loves life. I spent some time with them the other night (bath time) and she just melted my heart. Her smile is contagious and boy does she love her mama. She showed me and named many body parts including her belly button which she thought was so funny! She sang her ABCs and "down by the bay" several times. I just sat and watched her splash around without a care in the world. Does she know what a joy she is? What a miracle she is? She is one special girl. 

Lindsey is in a waiting period after radiation where it is still working in her body. Her repeat scans are in a couple of weeks so please pray for her. We went to lunch this week (at one of our favs Brick Street Cafe) and had fun just chatting about life. Our favorite part of the day was a visit to the spa! I had a gift card to River Falls Spa and decided to use it with Lindsey. We could have stayed there all afternoon in our robes just talking. It was so relaxing and nice to step away from responsibilities for a little while. It was just the "medicine" we needed! (Thank you Lauren!) 

Thank you for your continued prayers!

Xoxo

Riley 

And we're off!

Sayonara Minnesota! We're outa here. I finished up my appointments and tests today and I am exhausted. God really opened the doors to so many appointments that weren't even scheduled. The great news is that there is no damage done to my heart structurally or mechanically. The bad news is there is not a "cure" for Dysautonomia. Lifestyle changes and medications are my best bet right now. The medicine will lower my heart rate and blood pressure which should help the chest pain. 

As for my stomach issues...

My abdomen has been getting extremely distended after I eat. I mean really distended. 

Thank goodness for puffy jackets and vests is all I have to say! They had to make sure there wasn't a blockage or any other reason it was distending. The Dysautonomia causes motility issues with my digestion. So when I eat, my food hangs out much longer than it should, taking its time through the tracks of the intestines. There is some medicine to help, but for now I am going to eat tiny portions several times a day, and stick to easy-to-digest foods. (Which is a bummer because I LOVE food) but weighing the options, I'd rather ditch the belly. 

I am going to try some supervised exercise little bits at a time when I get home. The hard part is balancing what I need for the POTS and what I can't do because of the EDS. I'll let you know how that goes... 

I am excited for a fun girls weekend for my friend Lindsey. It will finally be one I can keep up with. She and I are on the same pace :) We are going to Fripp on Friday. It will be nice to have a relaxing weekend after nine days of poking and prodding at the hospital. 

Thank you so much for the prayers during all of this. They were very much felt by me and Mom. We felt very at peace with every appointment and test they ran. Trusting in God left little to worry about while we waited each day for results and answers. God's peace really does surpass all understanding.

Much love

Riley